


blur.

by pumpkinspicedtheatre



Category: Clone High
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Clone High - Freeform, Multi, Projecting onto Joan of Arc, kinnie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumpkinspicedtheatre/pseuds/pumpkinspicedtheatre
Summary: sometimes the nights came rushing back. in a blur.one color, two color, colliding, running, chasing, yelling, fighting, screaming. and then giving up.the slam of a door. the raise of a voice. the shatter of a window.blurry. so blurry. and then clear.blur.
Relationships: (IMPLIED), JFK & Joan of Arc (Clone High)
Kudos: 7





	blur.

**Author's Note:**

> self projecting is all i do /j
> 
> i hope you enjoy !!!

there are small things joan remembers. maybe, the touch of a hand. the smell of a dish. the chatter of a party, a gathering. small events can still come to mind. and yet, barely ever one solid memory.

rarely. rarely, can she remember the days or the nights. she remembers things like theme park days; the crowds, the stress, the fuss her foster parents would make about her foster sister always having sunscreen, enough water, etc. she remembers always double checking herself for those very things, maybe to remember that she, too, mattered.

she remembers, fourth of julys. loud fireworks, lots of people and lots of noise. despite the commotion, joan quite enjoyed the bright display. it made her feel less insignificant, knowing that she, too, maybe, one day, could create a commotion as big and as loud and as beatiful as those bright lights popping in the sky.

she remembers when her hair was clean, and bright, and natural. blonde, and it usually fell down to her shoulders. she was a cute child. that's what everyone always said. they'd smile, pinch her cheek, and call her "the most understanding girl in the world."

understanding. why? what did that make her? was she a goddess just because she understood that her foster sister was different? that she couldn't be in society normally like everyone else? that she didn't know when to smile at you, or what to do when someone was sad, or even how to have a conversation with someone? anyone? that didn't make her amazing. that made her patient. it made her tolerant.

and, as she'd learn later, it made her self dependent. she did things for herself. cooked, baked, read, drew. kept herself busy, while the screaming and the crying ensued.

until the screaming and the crying moved to her.

her sister was getting help. things seemed to be looking up. so her foster parents turned to their other daughter, who they seemed to have ignored for the past 12 years. and they seemed to see her flaws.

grades? oh. they were okay. but what if she could do better in math? what if they ignored her learning disibality and pushed her to her limit? and then were shocked when she wouldn't take their help anymore?

of course, they stll payed her no mind, they just decided to critique her attitude, pick fights, use terrible tones and tactics with her. as if they hadn't learned anything when their older daughter had tried to kill herself. they were emotinally abusive, and joan became aware of that.

so she started acting out. she changed her wardrobe, spent money she didn't have, spent every minute she could at other people's houses, wore dark makeup and dyed her hair constantly. after settling on magenta in eighth grade, she really defined her style. 

and she remembers. she remembers more now. and they never end. they come flooding back; the tones, the comments, the flinching, and the snap. the moment she snapped.

she lives with toots now, of course. and things are better. but she can still remember those singular moments like they were yesterday.

but the rest? seems a blur.

all a blur.

**Author's Note:**

> comment pls i require validation


End file.
